I’m away this week at the Advanced Writers and Speakers Association Conference and the International Christian Retailers Show, but don’t worry! I’ve invited novelist and editor, Aaron Gansky, to step in and speak up. You don’t want to miss this great post, Sneaky Prose Killers.
Sneaky Prose Killers by Aaron D. Gansky
When I tell people I teach Creative Writing, they often have the same reaction. “How can you teach that? Isn’t it subjective? Who are you to tell someone their writing isn’t good?” But the subjectivity of writing should never serve as an excuse for mediocrity.
“You don’t like my story? Well, I love it, and that’s all that matters. Besides, writing is subjective! Everyone in my family loves it!”
Of course they do. They have to.
Here’s the story–different people enjoy different aspects of writing. Some champion plot to the determent of character and voice. Others elevate character over plot and voice. Still others hail voice as the preeminent aspect of good creative writing. However, the success of each of these three elements hinges on the level of prose. No amount of character, plot, or voice will make up for sloppy prolixity.
When revising, be mindful of sneaky words (specifically weak verbs, adverbs, and adjectives) that will undercut the tightness and quality of prose. My agent recently sent me a list of these words to hunt and eliminate in my current project. I thought I’d share it with you, as well as a brief explanation of why each word is the bane of editors nation-wide.
Watch/notice/observe/look: These weak verbs usually mean inactive characters. What’s more boring than watching paint dry? Reading about someone watching paint dry. “Notice” is often used to call reader’s attention to important information through the eyes of the character. But if we’re already in the eyes of that character, it simply becomes a superfluity.
Just: A sneaky adverb. Okay in dialog (rarely and sparingly), but virtually never in prose. Seldom is the word necessary, and it can be eliminated in most cases.
Then: While sometimes necessary, most prose will benefit if it’s eliminated. Especially bad when paired with other no-no words (i.e. “He walked toward her just then” contrasted with “He walked toward her”).
That: Another tricky one that is allowable in dialog sparingly. (i.e. “It’s not that bad.”) Most commonly, the word is used to introduce an dependent clause. Common grammarians will tell you to eliminate it in these cases (i.e. “He wanted her to know that he loved her” becomes “He wanted her to know he loved her”).
Feel/feeling/felt: These verbs are weak for the same reasons that watch, notice, and observe are. It indicates passivity, and often times creates a voice that’s more telling than showing. While a certain amount of telling is necessary to move the story forward, too much of it will get your novel thrown in the recycling bin. Instead, consider an action that shows the feeling. “She felt sad.” Becomes, “She folded her arms and turned her head from him.”
There: While necessary in some cases, this becomes prosaically offensive when followed by “is” or “was” or “were.” This construction indicates a sentence in the passive voice. Editors seldom appreciate the passive voice because it feels very telling. “There was a chair in the room” becomes “Oliver walked around the lone chair in the room.” If you’re still shaky on identifying the elusive passive voice, tune in next week. I’ll give you a short crash course in grammar to better elucidate the murky topic.
Knew/know: Again indicates a passive character. Sometimes necessary, but could be indicative of a needed change.
Maybe: You’ll see this pop up in dialog, but it should be avoided in nearly every instance of exposition. The word weakens the power of the prose by making it wishy-washy. Most often, writers use this while establishing interior monolog. “Maybe he was mad at her” (passive) “He had no right to be mad at her” (active). Both reveal the inner workings of the characters mind, but the latter carries a stronger emotive context.
See/saw: See notice/watch/observe. “He saw Lauren smile” becomes “Lauren smiled.” We know the characters saw this, so the introductory clause is superfluous.
Hear/heard: See above. “He heard a shrill whistle of a train deep in the foothills” becomes “A train whistle shrilled deep in the foothills.” The reader understands that the character hears this, so the set up of “he heard” becomes unnecessary.
Could/couldn’t: A word that generally accompanies see, notice, hear, etc. “He could see the tops of her slippers” becomes “Snow and ice crusted the tops of her slippers.” The elimination of this word provides more opportunities to show rather than tell.
“ly” adverbs: See my earlier post here.
Was/were: Generally indicate passive voice, which you know by now is a no-no.
For fun, go through your current project and do a word find on these. Which of these do you abuse the most? If I had a dime for every time I used “just” or “that,” I would quit my day job.
BIOGRAPHY: Aaron D. Gansky is a novelist, teacher, and editor of The Citron Review, an online literary journal. In 2009, he earned his M.F.A in Fiction at the prestigious Antioch University of Los Angeles, one of the top five low-residency Writing schools in the nation. Prior to that, he attained his Bachelor of Arts degree in English with an emphasis in Creative Writing where he studied, in part, under Bret Anthony Johnston, now the Director of Creative Writing at Harvard University. In addition to writing and editing, he teaches American Literature and Creative Writing in California. He is a loving father and husband. You may reach him through his website or find him on Facebook.
You can read about Aaron Gansky’s editing services here.
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Who’s Going to Win $100?
My goodness, y’all showed out this month! These Christian Writer’s Den readers created abou
t 102,000 words in June. And Eddie Snipes wrote over 38,000 words alone–the highest total reported so far this year!
29. Cindy Patterson–8,023 words
30. Cynthia Owens–7,306 words
31. Eddie Snipes–38,016 words
32. Patty Willett–7,276 words
33. Nan Jones–25,346 words
34. Jeanette Edgar–7,436 words
35. Ashley–8,929 words
Congratulations, writers! And readers, don’t forget, you can join in at any time. The next challenge is to write 7000 new words by July 31. Here are the MoGo7000 guidelines. We’d love to have you join us!
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Kudos to These Writers!
1. Ann Wayne (NC): Ann was approved to become a Presenter for the National Center for Biblical Parenting. She will fly to Houston, TX for training in September.
2. Carolyn Knefely (SC): Carolyn has received word that her story, More Than Cookies and Kool-Aid, has been accepted for Chicken Soup for the Soul: Just for Devotionals for Tough Times, to be released in October.
3. Julie Garmon (GA): Julie just launched her new blog at her website.
4. Beth Fortune (SC): Beth will have a small article used as as sidebar in Focus on the Families’ magazine “Thriving Family” Nov. Edition – “Silence Isn’t Golden” – Communicating the Tweens. Also, a devotion will be published in a book by Christiandevotions.us “Faith and Family: A Devotional Pathway for Families.
Congratulations on all your successes, writers! And be sure to return next week for another great collection of writing opportunities. Apply the things you learned from Aaron (above) and submit to the publications we share next week and we could soon be celebrating YOUR kudos!
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Registration Continues for the Fall NCompass Writing Retreat and Christian Communicators Conference–Space is Limited!
Whether your goal is to write or speak or both, we have the conference designed just for you! Check out the NCompass Writing Retreat here (Sept 29-Oct 2) and the Christian Communicators Conference here (Oct 26-30).
Scholarships from Cec Murphey are still available for the speakers conference. Download the Christian Communicators Conference Cecil Murphey Scholarship Application here. But don’t delay! Deadline for receipt of scholarship applications is July 31. Recipients will by notified by August 5. There are a very few spots left for this conference.
Spaces for both conferences are limited and reservations are held by registration and deposit only.
And men, you’re welcome to join us at the NCompass Writing Retreat. But the Christian Communicators Conference is for women only. 
Hope you’ll join us this fall at beautiful Lake Keowee, SC!
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Parting Words from The Word…
And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. Colossians 3:17
I pray God’s blessing on the work of your hands and your hearts,
Vonda
