Interview And Book Give-Away With Author/Speaker Laura Petherbridge

July 27, 2010

By Vonda Skelton

Posted in: Christian Living | Women's Ministry | Interviews

Interview and Book Give-Away with Author/Speaker Laura Petherbridge

This is the fourth Tuesday, which means it's time for an author interview and book giveaway! Today it's a joy to introduce my friend, author and speaker, Laura Petherbridge. Laura is an international speaker who serves couples and single adults with topics on spiritual growth, relationships, stepfamilies, co-parenting, and divorce recovery. She's also the author of two books. Her first book, When "I Do" Becomes "I Don't"-Practical Steps for Healing During Separation and Divorce, was endorsed by Billy Graham's daughter, Gigi, and Multi-Dove Award winner Kim Hill. Her newest release, The Smart Stepmom, is co-authored with stepfamily expert Ron Deal and endorsed by Gary Chapman (Five Love Languages).

Laura has spoken at the Billy Graham Training Center, The Cove, in Asheville, NC and has been featured in Australia, South Africa, and England. She has appeared on many TV and radio programs, including Focus on the Family, Family Life Today, and Moody Broadcasting, and is frequently published in top Christian magazines and websites.

Laura is a featured expert on the DivorceCare DVD series, has taught on divorce recovery at Reformed Theological Seminary in Orlando, and has functioned as a Stephen's Ministry instructor.

Laura and her husband, Steve, reside in Lady Lake, FL. She can be reached at and

Want to win one of Laura's books? Don't forget to leave a comment on this interview and you'll be in the drawing. Be sure to check back next week to see if you're the winner!

Welcome to The Christian Writer's Den, Laura. First of all, you've been a divorce recovery expert for 20 years. Tell us how you got started.

My parents divorced when I was 8, and my one goal in life was to never be divorced. Therefore, when my first husband walked out of our marriage and into the arms of another woman I was devastated. As a new Christian, I could not find help or hope in the midst of the trauma. I thought my life was over, and I even considered suicide. As time went on more and more women started coming to me for insight on how I survived. I prayed God would somehow use this pain for His Glory. And He did.

So, how did you end up writing a book on the subject?

After several years of leading divorce recovery support groups I recognized a pattern in the questions people asked. My desire was to compile those questions and provide answers.

I was speaking at a single's conference and a woman came up to me afterwards and said, "You are an excellent speaker, do you have anything in writing?" That woman was the editor for a newsletter sponsored by a publisher. I had just received a rejection from a large magazine for an article I wrote on grieving the death of a marriage. She loved it, printed it, and the publishing house called me and asked if I'd be interested in writing a book on the subject.  That's how, When ‘I Do' Becomes ‘I Don't-Practical Steps for Healing During Separation and Divorce came into existence.

Wow! That doesn't happen very often! I'd say God wanted you to write that book! You mention the "death" of a marriage. Why do you describe it that way?

Most people don't realize that divorce is a death. It's the death of the dream, the covenant, and "what should have been." In many ways it's worse than physical death because it's a chosen rejection, and no one shows up at your door with a tuna casserole. In addition, there are more layers of loss with divorce. Many people lose their homes, in-laws, church, finances, health insurance, retirement security, pets, and even friends to name just a few. But the largest loss is the children. Even if they have custody, they no longer have control over who or what influences come into the child's life when the child is with the other parent. And if a remarriage occurs that adds an entire new set of circumstances.

Remarriage statistics show that 2 out of 3 stepfamilies don't survive. Why is that?

Stepfamilies are extremely complicated and there are various reasons why they end in divorce. The most common reason is because all stepfamilies are birthed out of loss. Either a death or divorce has occurred for the stepfamily to form. This means everyone is grieving to some degree, including the children.

A second reason is that many people move into a second marriage without dealing with the death or divorce from the first marriage. They believe they are ready to move on before they actually heal. It would be similar to having a heart attack. The person may feel better but if he or she tries to run a marathon in that condition, rather than allowing it to fully heal, they can damage the heart more. 

This is what happens when a person doesn't dig down into the root reasons the divorce occurred, beyond the affair, addiction, abuse and discovers, "How did I get here? Why did I marry that person?"

Christians often think if the spouse died, rather than divorce, that the kids will embrace the new spouse. This is erroneous thinking. That's why I wrote The Smart Stepmom with stepfamily expert Ron Deal. We cover the massive and complex issues associated with being in a stepfamily. We wrote it for women because they typically are the one buying a book, but it's really for anyone in or around a stepfamily.

Why do the children struggle with a new stepparent?

Kids, even adult kids, do not view the new marriage as a good thing, but rather a threat. They have lost one parent in some manner, and now they fear this new marriage will take away the remaining parent.

And to a large degree they are correct. The child must move to the back seat so the new spouse can sit in the front seat. He/she must become first if the marriage is to survive. The problem is most single parents think they can get married and keep the kids in the front seat, and put the new spouse there also. It doesn't work in a car, or in a stepfamily. This doesn't mean the children should be abandoned or neglected but the new marriage becomes the high priority and everyone feels the tension.   

That's so true. I've seen that happen in two second marriages...and I'm sad to say they didn't make it. You've given us all a lot to think about, Laura. Thank you for taking the time to share your heart and your expertise with us.

I'm sure that there is someone reading this today who needs help in this area. In addition to her great books, Laura's website has lots of free information, including videos, articles, and quizzes that will help you in your situation. I hope you'll check it out. 

And don't forget to leave a comment for Laura or me and you'll be in the drawing for a free book. I'll announce the winner in next week's blog.

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It's Not too Late to Pray...

This weekend--July 30-31--I'll be speaking at the Women's Prayer Retreat at Anderson University in Anderson, SC. This will be a special time for women from all over the upstate of SC to come together and lift our needs to the Father. Please join me. We need women to pray. After all, praying women can make a difference! Check out the Anderson University website for more information.

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And this week, as I prepare for my Prayer Retreat session on repentance, I want to share this verse with you. May it speak to your heart as it did to my own:

This is the one I esteem: he who is humble and contrite in spirit, and trembles at my word. Isaiah 66:2b

I pray God's blessing on the work of your hands and your hearts,

Vonda