Forty-one years ago today I walked down the aisle to say "I do" to my high school sweetheart…and he's still my sweetheart today! In honor of our 41st anniversary today, I want to share an important lesson I learned on marriage. And even though it's primarily written to women, I think you men will especially enjoy it. Gr-r-r-r-r.
First of all, I want to tell you I knew instinctively how to be the wife Gary needed, how to be his helpmate, how to relate to him in a way that would build him up as the leader in our home. That's what I want to tell you, but I can't–because it'd be a big fat lie! The truth is, the Lord took me kicking and screaming all the way to submission! And my marriage and my love for Gary has never been the same.
I thought submission was for doormats, for wimpy little sissies with no minds of their own. And I was tough, I was strong, and I was proud of it! Why in the world would I want to be a Stepford Wife?
Then the day came when I realized I was going to have to make some changes in order to save my marriage. I'd heard about that submission stuff and even though I had no idea what it was, I knew I didn't want to have anything to do with it. But I finally said, "Okay, God, I'll do this submission thing because I have to, but I want you to know, I'm not happy about it!" (Is that defiant submission?)
Now, please understand, Gary never said I had to be a submissive wife–he didn't know what it was, either! But I told him I was going to find out about it and let him know. How nice of me.
Well, the good news is, I discovered that true submission has nothing to do with being a doormat!
As a matter of fact, a quick check of my Bible concordance proved the word "doormat" is not even in Scripture! But Ephesians 5:22-23 is. You know the passage. It's the one verse that little boys learn from the time they're five years old. Men may not know any other verse in the whole Bible, but chances are, they'll have Ephesians 5:22-23 etched into their brains: Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is head of the church.
Gr-r-r-r.
As I began to study, I found that I–little ol' me with no theology background–could use resource books to discover the meaning of the original Greek or Hebrew words in all the verses of the Bible! Wow!
First of all, I learned we need to always look at verses in context. In Ephesians 4 and 5, Paul is telling all the church members–not just husbands and wives, thank you very much–how they should relate to each other. Ephesians 4 says to be humble and gentle with each other, to be patient and bear with one another, to share a bond of peace, to speak kindly to each other and build each other up. In Ephesians 5, Paul encourages us to be imitators of God, to live lives of purity, to speak to one another with spiritual songs, and to give thanks to God–all instructions to the church body in how to relate to each other and to God.
Beginning in verse 21, Paul says all of us–every member of God's family–are to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Then, after all that, he says for wives to submit to their husbands because the man is the head of his wife, just like Christ is the head of the church body; and he tells men to love their wives as Christ loved the church and was willing to die for her. It's a continuation of instructions on how we're all to respond to each other and to God.
When you look at the original Greek, the word, "submit," is hupotasso, (Sorry, but I don't have a Greek keyboard) which, among other things, means to self-submit. It's a self-giving, a self-yielding. No one forces you to submit. No one stands over you with a whip and demands it.
Although I knew Gary wasn't going to force me to do anything, it was freeing to realize the decision would be mine, and mine alone. No one had the right to force it from me. I could choose to be obedient to God's Word . . . or not.
I was beginning to think maybe I could stomach this submission thing after all.
But then my eyes focused on another one of those nasty words in this passage–"head." During my research, I was surprised to learn that the "head" in Ephesians 5:23 and the "head" in I Corinthians 11:3 are exactly the same word: kephale.
In I Corinthians 11:3 Paul says, Now I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.
Do you get the magnitude of that verse? Since each instance of "head" here and in Ephesians 5 is the same word, we are to relate to our husbands as Christ relates to God–another liberating discovery! After all, Jesus is certainly not a doormat to the Father! And He doesn't expect us to be doormats to our husbands.
Dear friends, Biblical submission does not mean we give up being who we are to become mechanical robots blindly following power-hungry ogres. It is not a forced, one-sided submission. Instead, God's children please Him when we, as a body, choose to self-submit to each other. We please Him when we wives self-submit to our husbands. And our husbands please Him when they love us enough to die for us–just as Jesus did for the church.
In my B.S. (before submission) days, all I could think of was, "If Gary and God got together, where was that gonna to leave me?" Now, after more than twenty-five years of striving to please God through Biblical submission, I can see the wisdom and benefit of having a marriage relationship based on His perfect plan.
But believe me, that doesn't mean I have it all together and never struggle with the temptation to resume my fight for headship. But it does mean I want to honor God with my marriage relationship by being the kind of wife He wants me to be.
Thank you, God, for bringing Gary into my life.
And thank you, Gary, for putting up with me. I pray I get forty-one MORE years with you!
(Elderly couple photo courtesy of ChristianPhotos.net)
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The Winner Is…
Linda Greer! Linda, you've won a signed copy of Sarah Bush's book, The Invitation. Congratulations! Be sure to contact me with your mailing address and the book will be on its way!
To find out more about Sarah and her books and ministry, please visit her website. And Sarah, thank you again for sharing your journey and your wisdom with us!
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Blue Ridge Christian Writers Conference Winners!
What another great year at the Blue Ridge Mountains Christian Writer's Conference, and I'm thrilled to say The Christian Writer's Den was well represented in the winner's circle! Congratulations to these writers! (In no particular order…)
1. Susan Dollyhigh (NC)-Poetry: 2nd Place, Healing
2. Darlo Gemeinhardt-Poetry: 1st Place, I Collect Dreams; and Stories and Books for Children and Young Adults: 3rd Place, Pick-Pocket Pup
3. Julie Webb-Kelley (IL)-Novel/Novella: 2nd Place, Darkness Trembles
4. Joy Bazemore (AL)-Drama: 1st Place, If Only
5. Jeanette Edgar (TX)-Stories and Books for Children and Young Adults: 1st Place, Finding Sarah
6. Marcia Moston (SC)-Non-Fiction Book: 1st Place, Call of a Coward: Following Faith. The book also tied for 1st Place in the Sonfire Publishing Contest. In Devotions: 3rd Place.
7. Scott McCausey (MI)-Devotions: 1st Place, 10 Dollars
8. Mary Beth Dahl (VA)-Church Drama and Plays: 2nd Place, Light; Short Stories: 1st Place, The Full Life; and Sonfire Media Contest: 2nd Place, Through the Balustrades
9. Abbey Medcalf Cooler (GA)-Bible Study: 3rd Place, The Waiting Womb
10. Eddie Snipes (GA)-Short Stories: 2nd Place, Hope in the Courthouse
11. Beth Fortune (SC)-Poetry: 3rd Place, Whispers; and Articles: 3rd Place, Daddy's Shoes
What an amazing list of winners! Congratulations, all! And if I've left anyone out by mistake, please forgive me. If you'll resend it, I'll post it in next week's kudos.
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Speaking of Kudos, be sure to send me any good news you've received, and let us celebrate with you next week! New books, contracts, published articles…whatever! Contact me with your name, state, URL, and news. I'll even include lo res book covers if you send me a jpeg!
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June is Cecil Murphey Month!
If you've been around the Christian writing scene for any length of time, you've most likely heard of Cec Murphey. Cec has always been eager to help writers, but with the success of his NY Times Bestseller, 90 Minutes in Heaven, he is providing more opportunities than ever before! Many writers, including several followers of The Christian Writer's Den, have benefitted from the scholarships he provides at conferences…and that's just the beginning. He's probably taught at more writer's conferences and mentored more writers than anyone else in the business.
So now it's time to honor him. My friend, author and speaker Yvonne Ortega, has declared June as Cecil Murphey Month.
Would you take a moment to toot his horn on your blog, FB and Twitter, and consider sending him a thank you note? He is going to be blown away by this outpouring of love! Here are his snail mail and email addresses (printed by permission of his assistant):
Tucker, GA 30084
Let's thank Cec for reaching out to us and allowing us to share in his blessing.
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It's not too late to join me at the Gideon Media Arts Conference and Film Festival! Muse Watson of NCIS will be there!
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And now, may Paul's words to the church body encourage us in our relationships with one another today:
Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Ephesians 5:21
I pray God's blessing on the work of your hands and your hearts,
Vonda
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Well, today is a fifth Tuesday, which means it's Guest Blogger Day! Jean Matthew Hall is Coordinator of the planning team for the Write2Ignite Conference for Christian Writers of Children's Literature. I've had the joy of teaching and keynoting at Write2Ignite and highly recommend attending if you're interested in writing for children. Jean's credits include essays and poems published in Mature Living, Sasee, The Vision, Bible Advocate, The Christian Communicator; devotions published in Open Windows; and personal experience essays published in anthologies such as The Embrace of a Father, Whispering in God's Ear, Chicken Soup for the Chocolate Lover's Soul, The Ultimate Gardener, and Christmas Miracles.
lot of typing, God."
Don't Forget to Mark Your Calendars for the Free Cec Murphey Writer's Seminars!
Although the technique of good writing is a necessary craft that crosses genre lines, there are considerable differences in the planning, writing, and submitting of the fiction vs the non-fiction book. Today we'll focus on the steps you'll need to take in order to see your non-fiction book in print.
