Vonda Skelton - Christian Speaker, Author, and Funny Lady

In the past few months, my sister has died of cancer, my mother has been diagnosed with cancer, and now this is the third author we're interviewing with a book on cancer. I never planned any of it. But I couldn't resist the opportunity to tell you about Cecil Murphey's new book and give you a chance to win a not only a free copy, but possibly a grand prize gift basket valued at $300! Check below for more details.

In When Someone You Love Has Cancer, Cec has written a loving inspirational book for cancer caregivers and family members. Cec is not only the author of 90 Minutes in Heaven and a seasoned ghostwriter of more than 100 books, but he's also a friend, mentor, and teacher to writers all over the world. Many of us here at The Christian Writer's Den have benefitted from his generous heart and it is an honor to have him with us today.

Cec's intimate care for his wife as she fought cancer is evident on the pages of this beautifully illustrated book. Prayers for difficult situations are scattered throughout the book and personal illustrations from cancer caregivers help validate and encourage readers. A gentle question and answer session is included. I know you're going to love hearing from Cec, so let's get started.

Vonda: Well, Cec, you grabbed me at the first sentence, "I felt helpless." Tell us about that feeling.

Cec: Because her doctor put Shirley into the high-risk category, I felt helpless. To me, helpless means hating the situation, wanting to make it better, but admitting there was nothing I could do for her. 


Vonda: On that same page you also write, "One thing we learned: God was with us and strengthened us through the many weeks of uncertainty and pain." How did you get from feeling helpless to that assurance? 



Cec: Shirley and I sat down one day and I put my arm around her. "The only way I know how I can handle this," I said, "is to talk about it." Shirley knows that's my way of working through puzzling issues. "Let's consider every possibility." If her surgeon decided she did not have breast cancer, how would we react? We talked of our reaction if he said, "There is a tumor and it's obviously benign. Finally, I was able to say, with tears in my eyes, "How do we react if he says the cancer is advanced and you have only a short time to live?" By the time we talked answered that question, I was crying. Shirley had tears in her eyes, but remained quite calm. "I'm ready to go whenever God wants to take me," she said. She is too honest not to have meant those words. As I searched her face, I saw calmness and peace. I held her tightly and we prayed together. After that I felt calm. Since then, one of the first things I do when I awaken is to thank God that Shirley and I have at least one more day together. 



Vonda: When most people hear the word cancer applied to someone they love, they have strong emotional reactions. What are some of them? What was your reaction when your wife was diagnosed with breast cancer?



Cec: As a pastor, a volunteer chaplain, and a friend I've encountered virtually every emotional reaction. Some refuse to accept what they hear. Some go inward and are unable to talk. Others start making telephone calls to talk to friends. Me? I went numb, absolutely numb. That was my old way of dealing with overwhelming emotions. I heard everything but I couldn't feel anything. It took me almost two weeks before I was able to feel–and to face the possibility that the person I loved most in the world might die. 



Vonda: "What can I do for my loved one with cancer?" That's a good question for us to ask ourselves. How can we be supportive and helpful?



Cec: Many think they need to do big things; they don't. Express your concern and your love. Be available to talk when the other person needs it–and be even more willing to be silent if your loved one doesn't want to talk. Don't ask what you can do; do what you see needs doing. To express loving support in your own way (and we all express love differently) is the best gift you can offer.

Vonda: Why do you urge people not to say, "I know exactly how you feel"? 



Cec: No one knows how you feel. They may remember how they felt at a certain time. Even if they did know, what help is that to the person with cancer? It's like saying, "Stop feeling sorry for yourself. I know what it's like and I'm fine now." Instead, focus on how the loved one feels. Let him or her tell you.



Vonda: Those with cancer suffer physically and spiritually. You mention God's silence as a form of spiritual suffering. They pray and don't seem to sense God. What can you do to help them?



Cec: God is sometimes silent but that doesn't mean God is absent. In my upcoming book, When God Turns off the Lights, I tell what it was like for me when God stopped communicating for about 18 months. 

I didn't like it and I was angry. I didn't doubt God's existence, but I didn't understand the silence. I read Psalms and Lamentations in various translations. I prayed and I did everything I could, but nothing changed. After a couple of months, I realized that I needed to accept the situation and wait for God to turn on the lights again. Each day I quoted Psalm 13:1: "O Lord, how long will you forget me? Forever? How long will you look the other way?" (NLT) 

I learned many invaluable lessons about myself–and I could have learned them only in the darkness. When God turns off the lights (and the sounds) I finally realized that instead of God being angry, it was God's loving way to draw me closer. 



Vonda: Guilt troubles many friends and loved ones of caregivers because they feel they failed or didn't do enough. What can you say to help them?



Cec: We probably fail our loved ones in some ways. No one is perfect. If you feel that kind of guilt, I suggest 3 things: 

(1) Tell the loved one and ask forgiveness. (2) Talk to God and ask God to forgive you and give you strength not to repeat your failures. (3) Forgive yourself. And one way to do that is to say, "At the time, I thought I did the right thing. I was wrong and I forgive myself." 



Vonda: Do you have some final words of wisdom for those giving care to a loved one with cancer? 



Cec: Be available. You can't take away the cancer but you can alleviate the sense of aloneness. Don't ever try to explain the reason the person has cancer. We don't know the reason and even if we did, would it really help the other person? 

Be careful about what you say. Too often visitors and friends speak from their own discomfort and forget about the pain of th
e one with cancer. Don't tell them about your cancer or other disease; don't tell them horror stories about others. Above all, don't give them false words of comfort. Be natural. Be yourself. Behave as loving as you can.



Vonda: Thank you, Cec, for sharing your journey and expertise with us. It's been a joy to have you! And I know I speak for many when I say thank you for reaching out to us as writers. We're better writers and hopefully better followers of Christ because of you.

DETAILS!! Want to win the $300 gift basket? The winner of the grand prize will be drawn from the blog site with the highest number of posted comments. So I need you to spread the word! Please share this link with all your friends and help us have the grand prize to give away. It all depends on you! And of course, we'll still have a drawing for a copy of Cec's book, so don't forget to post your comment-and then pass the link on to all your friends!

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Door of Opportunity for YOU!

I know we've already gone over the word count this week, but I didn't want you to miss out on these great opportunities! If I know for sure that they're a paying market, I've noted that. Otherwise, they may or may not pay for submissions.

• Homeschooling Today has posted its 2010 editorial calendar. This is a paying market.

• Incredible Power of Prayer is still looking for stories. Contact Jeanette Littleton, at This is a paying market.

• The Gideon Media Arts Conference and Film Festival has a logo contest. Scroll down to Logo Contest.

• The Christian Pulse is still looking for writers. 

• Centered Magazine is looking for writers, preferably young adult men. Contact Managing Editor Edie Melson. This is a paying market.

• Many of our readers have been published by ChristianDevotions.us, and now they've added another opportunity. DevoKids.com is a new site for kids. Editor Terri Kelly is interested in devotions, articles, and writing instruction for kids. Contact Terri.

• Pennsylvania Magazine wants pieces about Pennsylvania. Click on Downloads for guidelines. This is a paying market.

• Kristi Neace is looking for stories on finding peace, joy and contentment in everyday life at home for an anthology for Police Wives. Contact her at

• Guideposts Magazine is always looking for stories. 

• Breathe Again Magazine needs articles. 

• Angels on Earth Magazine is looking for true stories of God's messengers at work today. 
• Dianne Butts needs pro-life stories for an anthology, Deliver Me. For guidelines and more info, contact Dianne at .

• Writer's Digest Short Story Competition 

• Your Letter to the Editor or article could win you money. It did for me several years ago! The Amy Foundation 

(Door photo compliments of Erica Swaringen. Thanks, Erica!)

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Another Writer's Conference Opportunity

In addition to last week's list of conferences, here's another great opportunity: Carolina Christian Writers' Workshop Oct. 23-24, Anderson, SC. Contact Elva Martin, Director of Workshop

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Don't forget to leave a comment and pass it along to all your friends! Wouldn't it be great if the winner came from The Christian Writer's Den? 😉

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And now, as we go forward in this new week, let's meditate on the words of our Savior, who speaks peace…whether we're facing cancer or job loss or the heartbreak of prodigal children.

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. John 14:27

I pray God's blessing on the work of your hands and your hearts,
Vonda

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