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Interview and Book Give Away with Author Virelle Kidder

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By Vonda Skelton | March 25, 2008

March 25, 2008

I pray this Easter season has found you encouraged and excited because of the promise we have in Jesus Christ. We serve an awesome God! But what if you're not excited? What if you're weary and tired and ready to call it quits?

Lesson #1: You're not alone.

Author Virelle Kidder knows what it's like to struggle, even as a woman in ministry. Join us as she talks candidly about what God taught her (and wants to teach us) in her new book, Meet Me at the Well: Take a Month and Water Your Soul.

Virelle is a full-time Christian author and conference speaker. She formerly hosted a daily radio talk show in New York, is widely published in national magazines, and is a mentor for the Jerry B. Jenkins Christian Writers Guild. Virelle and her husband, Steve, have four grown children, eight grandchildren, and have found renewal in their home in Sebastian, Florida. Meet Me at the Well is Virelle's fifth book.

Virelle, thank you for being with us today. But before we start on the book, can you tell us a little about your life "before the well?"

Thanks, Vonda. It's a joy to be here! Okay, before the well…

About eight or ten years ago my life was as happy and full as it's ever been with a speaking ministry, daily radio show, and writing. Steve and I were loving our empty nest and had just signed a book contract to co-author Getting the Best Out of Public Schools when everything changed. Our younger daughter arrived home in a serious mental health crisis from an abusive marriage, needing our full time comfort and care for a long, long time. Soon afterward my elderly mother who lived nearby also began a steady descent into Alzheimer's. Although it took years to diagnose, her needs escalated daily. Suddenly, I was a full time caregiver, caught between the extreme needs of two women I loved, my mother and my daughter.

In the first chapter of your book, you address the issue of depression. How did you know you were becoming depressed?

I didn't. I began having mild chest pains and problems with my jaw, but didn't take it seriously until one day at lunch with some friends I broke out in hives. I thought it was a food allergy, but my husband insisted I see the doctor. As I left the house he said, "Tell Dr. Mastroianni I think you're depressed." I laughed it off, but later the doctor said he knew I was depressed the minute I walked in the door.

This problem seems to be common among women. Why?

Caregiving is natural to women. The problem comes when we find we are not equipped to handle it all. It's just too much, and our needs are too great. Eventually, we are broken and weary in body, mind, and spirit. Christian women struggle more with this, because we feel God requires it. We trust He will give the grace and strength we need day by day. And He does, for a long time, until we realize we just can't keep going. False guilt needles our faith and pretty soon we feel like a lousy Christian, too.

Do you think Jesus felt the same physical and emotional fatigue we do?

He certainly felt the same pressures we do, and barely had a quiet moment without making sure it happened by rising early to meet with His Father, getting away to quiet places to rest with His disciples. If Jesus needed to rest regularly, what makes us think we don't?

How can we be physically and emotionally fatigued if we're "all prayed up" and in the Word of God each day?

Somehow, I thought that would be enough. My walk with God was steady and strong, but my body and emotions were completely worn out. When one part suffers, the whole person suffers.

You admit feeling angry with God over the things He allows, such as your daughter's mental illness and the death of Birgitta, your older daughter's best friend. That's something most people don't want to admit. What did you do about your anger?

I asked an older woman and followed her advice. "Tell God how you feel," she said. "He's big enough to take it." When I finally did, I felt His deep comfort and understanding and real relief. I still don't know why terrible things happen, and often feel grief over them, but I know God hurts with me and loves them even more than I do.

What advice do you have for other women who find themselves in the middle of the "sandwich generation," caring for adult children and parents?

Ask for help way earlier than I did. Don't feel that you can carry on alone. Only God can "fix" those we love. We cannot do that. Love, prayer, and service as He directs are the best. Trust those God puts in your life to counsel you.

So how did things turn around for you? What changed?

I was walking through a supermarket in January on a bitter cold night. I'd just brought my mother her dinner and was getting groceries for us, when tears began rolling down my face. I prayed simply, "Lord, I can't keep going. Will you take this from me?" Moments after I arrived home, my mother phoned. She couldn't move and was frightened. We called 911 and met the ambulance a few minutes later at her house. Because of this incident, Mother was eventually placed in a nursing home where she has made wonderful friends and receives excellent care. God answered my prayer and took the pressure from me. He is so good!

What have you learned about God since then that you didn't know before? What has renewal meant for you?

We've been through many difficulties over the years, but this was one of the hardest for me. There's no shame in admitting weakness. I run to God more quickly with every need than I did before. I expect I'll keep learning that until the day God calls me home!

Thank you, Virelle. It's good to be reminded that regardless of what we go through, God is still there, waiting for us to meet with Him. How can readers get their own copies of Meet Me at the Well? And is there a way for them to contact you?

Thank you, Vonda. The book is available at bookstores nationwide or at Amazon.com. And you can contact me via my website at I'd love to hear from you!

Oh, and one more thing. Do you have any words of advice for writers?

Learn everything you can about the craft of writing from the best writers out there. That means attend at least one or two writers’ conferences per year, join an online critique group with at least one or two very experienced writers, read all you can about writing. Become a disciplined writer, who sits at the keyboard with no excuses. And be a prayed up writer, with a heart wide open to God’s direction.

Thanks again, Virelle! And friends, if you'd like to enter the drawing to rece
ive a free copy of Meet Me at the Well, simply leave a comment to this post. The winner will be announced next week!

I hope this has encouraged you today as you seek what God has planned for you. Lesson #2: Whether He's calling you to write fiction or non-fiction, you can share a message through the words He gives you.

And as you prepare to answer this call, I hope you'll seriously consider attending writer's conferences. There's no better way to learn the craft, gain the encouragement, make the connections, and establish the friendships that can change your writing life forever.

I'm honored to be teaching at these writer's conferences this year. I'd love to see you there!

  1. March 28-29–Foothills Writers Guild 19th Annual Writers Workshop, Anderson, SC
  2. April 14-18–Gideon Media Arts Conference & Film Festival, Ridgecrest, NC
  3. May 18-22–Blue Ridge Mountains Christian Writers Conference, Ridgecrest, NC
  4. September 26-27–Christian Author's Guild Writer's Conference, Atlanta, GA
  5. October 22-26–Glorieta Christian Writers Conference, Glorieta, NM

This is a new conference that I won't be able to attend because of the schedule, but if you're a children's writer, you'll want to check it out:

  • November 7-8–Write2Ignite, Indian Trail, NC

And don't forget, you can get a $10 discount to the Blue Ridge Mountains Christian Writers Conference just because you're part of The Christian Writer's Den! (And don't worry–if you're reading this post, you're part of The Den!) Just tell them you're part of a GROUP OF TEN when you register. You don't have to register together or stay in the same room. And if there are any problems, just tell them director Yvonne Lehman says so! 😉

ROOMMATE NEEDED: Liz Welsh is looking for a roommate for Blue Ridge. If you're interested, email her at .

And now, I hope you will meditate on these words throughout the week:

As each one has received a gift, minister it to one another, as good stewards of the manifold grace of God. 1 Peter 4:10 (NKJV)

I pray God's blessing on the work of your hands and your hearts,

Vonda

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It’s All in Your Point of View

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By Vonda Skelton | March 18, 2008

March 18, 2008

When I wrote my first book in 1993, I had no idea what I was doing. All I knew was that I loved to write, my high school and college teachers said I was good at it, and my mother assured me the book I had created was a masterpiece. I was confident fame and fortune would soon be mine! There was only one little problem (Well, actually there were many problems with that first book–which might explain why it took so many years for it to be published–but today we'll just talk about one of them).

The problem was, I had never heard of point of view, or POV. I wasn't alone. Lots of new writers have no idea what POV is and how important it is to the publishability of their work. But the problem with point of view isn't limited to new writers. It can trip up even the most experienced among us.

The first step to successfully handling POV is to be sure you understand what it means. Consider this fictional scene:

A guy and a girl enter a nice restaurant and are seated by the maitre d'. They face each other and the guy quickly takes the girl's hand. Wow. She's gorgeous! Wait til the guys hear about this!

The girl smiles at her date. He sure dresses nicely. I wonder how much money he makes.

They both look up to see the waiter coming toward them. He takes in the scene and mentally begins to calculate his tip. Yep. This is going to be a good night.

Okay, besides the fact that this is a boring, poorly-written scene, there is a huge, glaring problem–POV. Do you see that within those few short lines, we've heard the thoughts and felt the emotions of three different people? In other words, we've been in three different heads. Lesson #1: It's generally accepted that you should only be in one person's head per scene. And it's usually the person whose thoughts and views would generate the most emotion, the person who has the most at risk in that scene, or the person who has thoughts and feelings you want the reader to know.

Confused? Join the crowd. POV can be a very confusing issue. But I'm going to share what I think is one of the simplest ways to understand it. Imagine that you're in a room with lots of people and you have a video camera. As you scan the room with the camera, you can see that Rachel and John are across the room and that John has just said something and Rachel is laughing. If Rachel has a crush on John, you might assume Rachel is laughing at one of John's worn-out jokes. But you can't know, because you can't hear the conversation.

Then you walk over to Sarah and Lisa sitting on the couch. As the camera is running you see that Lisa is wiping her eyes and Sarah has a concerned look on her face. You can hear Lisa lamenting her husband's latest betrayal. You see the concerned look on Sarah's face and you watch as she pats Lisa's arm. You assume Sarah is afraid the truth will come out–that she is the other woman. But you can't know for sure, because you can't know what Sarah is thinking and planning.

Then you meet up with your next-door neighbor and you ask if she likes your new hair cut. She says she does, but you don't know whether to believe her…because you can't know her motivation or her heart.

In each situation, you can describe what someone does, what their facial expressions look like, what you think their motivation might be, but you can't know for sure because you can't know what someone else is thinking or feeling. And you can't hear a quiet conversation across a crowded room.

That's point of view. It's the view of what that person can see, hear, feel, and know–like she's filming it with a camera. Whoever has the camera in each scene has the point of view.

Many experts recommend that you limit your novel to no more than three or four POV's–and for good reason. If you have too much input from too many characters (too many points of view), the reader has difficulty forming an emotional connection with any one character. It's hard to decide whose story it is and who to cheer for. So decide who has the most at risk in that scene and who can generate the most emotion, and that's whose POV you should be in.

It's also confusing to have too many points of view. I've read stories where we know what the main character, her hair dresser, and her mechanic are all thinking and feeling. So then we expect the main character, her hair dresser, and her mechanic to each carry his or her weight in the story. When some of them end up being minor characters, the readers feel cheated that you engaged them with people who have no real bearing on the story.

And if you don't get anything else from today, get this: Lesson #2: If you're writing in first person, everything must be in that character's point of view. You can only write what that person can see, hear, think, feel, and know. You can never say what someone else is thinking or planning or motivated by. And you can't let the reader know the bad guy is hiding in the basement if the first person character doesn't know he's there!

Before you write each scene, decide who will carry the point of view. After you've written it, go back and ask yourself, "Could the POV character know this?" It's a question all writers, whether new or experienced, have to ask.

Thank you for being here at The Christian Writer's Den. And now, for this month's writing opportunities:

  1. WritersDigest.com's 16th annual Self-Published Book Award. If you've self-published a book, you can enter. Cash prizes. Deadline May 1.
  2. 77th Annual Writer's Digest Writing Competition. Cash prizes and a trip to New York City! Deadline May 15.
  3. Susan Osborn, author of numerous books, is collecting stories of the heartbreak of suicide for her book, Too Soon to Say Goodbye: The Heartbreak of Suicide. If you have a story to share, contact Susan at and put "Goodbye" in the subject line. Deadline March 31.
  4. First Foundations Writing Contest is for true stories of how the Bible helped you overcome a difficult time in your life. Cash prizes. Deadline May 15.
  5. God Allows U-Turns call for submission on parents setting boundaries on adult children. Deadline June 1.
  6. Editor Jim Watkins of Vista Sunday school"take-home" paper needs your articles! Guidelines and editorial calendar here.

sttlcover100pxHey, ladies, listen to this! If your women's group chooses to use Seeing Through the Lies for your group study, I'll visit your group by speaker phone! Just email me for details.

And don't forget to check out the blog tour sites listed in the sidebar. You could win a great prize package!

I hope you've learned and been encouraged here today. That's the reason The Christian Writer's Den is here! Be sure to join us next week as author Virelle Kidder discusses her new book, Meet Me at the Well: Take a Month and Water Your Soul. You could win a free copy!

I leave you with these words from Paul to the Corinthian church. May they encourage you as you go through your week.

But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to sham
e the strong. He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things–and the things that are not–to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before Him. 1 Corinthians 1:27-29

I pray God's blessing on the work of your hands and your heart.

Vonda

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Have You Failed…to Write?

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By Vonda Skelton | March 11, 2008

March 11, 2008

In 1993, long before I ever tried to write for publication, I attended a writing seminar. I had never traveled alone out into the big, bad world, so I was scared to death. I made my reservation, packed my suitcase, and drove two hours away. This was my big chance.

When I arrived, I checked into the hotel (my first time to ever be alone anywhere), and dressed for the evening. The first thing on the schedule was dinner for the attendees and the two faculty members. Oh, how I wanted to make a good impression! After all, this was a meeting of writers! I was sure every person there was brilliant and wise and multi-published…and here I was, a little wife and mother who was thinking that maybe, just perhaps, she might try to write something.

So I squared my shoulders, held up my head, and strolled into the meeting room like I was one of them. Twenty or thirty people were already there, some seated at dining tables, others standing around talking. I found a table nearby and grabbed a chair. Someone quickly started introductions, and I nodded and shook hands around the table.

The last person to speak was a gentleman seated to my right. He put out his hand, smiled and said, "Welcome. I'm Gary Provost. I'm the director of this seminar." Director? I'm sitting by the director of the seminar? If there was anything worse than being the only dummy in a room of brilliant writers, it was being the only dummy seated by the director in a room of brilliant writers! I wanted to run out the door, grab my luggage, and head for home.

But I couldn't. The director still had my hand. "Tell me, Vonda, what do you write?"

What does he mean, What do I write? I can write my name. Does my name count? But I didn't say anything. I just stared at him, wide-eyed, trying to figure out what in the world ever made me think I could just walk into a writing seminar and pretend I was supposed to be there.

Being the brilliant writer that he was, he took my verbal cue. "Well, why don't we go around the table and you can think about it." He smiled and let go of my hand. I listened as everyone at the table gave an eloquent discourse of what he or she was writing, wanted to write, or was learning to write.

Me? I just sat there, the gears in my not-so-brilliant mind working in overdrive, trying to come up with something–anything!–that would make me sound like I had some sense. And then the proverbial light bulb went off! I knew just what I could say that would show these brilliant writers that I was one of them. That I, too, could think deep thoughts, raise deep questions, and solve the problems of the world through the power of my words.

Just as the brilliant thought cemented itself into my brain, Gary Provost turned back to me. "So, Vonda, what do you write?"

I cleared my throat. "Um, to be honest, I haven't really written anything yet." So far so good.

"Really? Why not?"

I squared my shoulders, held up my head and said, "Well, I figured as long as I haven't written, I haven't failed." That was a profound statement if I'd ever heard one!

I waited for the applause of the brilliant writers seated at the table. I envisioned them clamoring around me, asking my advice about everything from physics to the meaning of life.

But there was no applause, no clamoring, no questions. Instead, Gary Provost, Director, looked me straight in the eyes and pronounced, "No, Vonda. As long as you haven't written, you've failed already."

Boom! I took it right there between the eyes. I went home and wrote my first book.

Now, if you've been reading my posts or been in any of my classes, you know the book was terrible. After all, I hadn't done anything to prepare for writing it! But the point is, I wrote. I wrote something.

Of course, because I didn't go to writer's conferences or take classes or try to learn the craft of writing, I dashed to publication in a mere…oh, I don't know…seven or eight…years! It took about ten years for that first book to be published.

Lesson #1: If you want to be a writer, you have to write! (I know. That's really profound, isn't it?) Don't worry about rejections. Rejections aren't failures. Refusing to write when God has given you something to say is failure.

There is a Thomas Edison story that makes the rounds of many of internet quote sites. Although I can't find reputable confirmation that he really said it, the truth it reveals is worth repeating.The story goes that the inventor was once asked something like, "Were you discouraged after failing 2000 times to invent the lightbulb?" Thomas Edison supposedly said, "Actually, I didn't fail a single time. I just discovered 2000 ways not to invent the lightbulb."

When we get rejections, we're not failing, we're just discovering ways not to write what we have to say or who not to send it to.

So write. Write a lot. Write everyday, if possible. It's in the act of writing that you become a writer.

Lesson #2: The only way to truly fail is to not write.

And this week we send congratulations to these Christian Writer's Den members who didn't fail…because they wrote! (And I'll betcha they got lots of rejections along the way!)

  • Marty Norman (TX)–first book, Generation G: Advice for Savvy Grandmothers Who Will Never Go Gray, published by Thomas Nelson (Released today!)
  • Jeanne Styles (AL)–ongoing embroidery educational curriculum series, Software Solutions
  • Renae Brumbaugh (TX)–contract with Barbour Publishing for four books for the Camp Club Girls series
  • Eddie Jones (NC)–contracted to write NC articles for the Waterway Guide
  • Deena Bouknight (SC)–story included in Humor for a Sister's Heart , published by Howard Books

Be sure to check back next week when we have lots of opportunities to share with you. And who knows, we could soon be announcing YOUR successes! Be sure to email me any time you have any publishing news to share with us. We want to encourage each other by sharing what God is doing in our writing lives!

Don't forget–you could win big by leaving a comment at the Seeing Through the Lies blog tour sites throughout this month. See the sidebar for details.

We've almost reached our goal of getting a copy of Seeing Through the Lies in sttlcover100pxevery state in America. We only have ten states left! If you live in one of the states listed below, or know of someone who does, AND you (or the receiver) are willing to be an influencer for my book, just email me with the name and mailing address and I'll send you a free book! Just remember, this is a partnership. If you're not sure what an influencer is, just check out this blog entry . Here are the states we're still looki
ng for: Connecticut, DC, Maine, Massachusetts, Nebraska, New Hampshire, New Jersey, North Dakota, Rhode Island, and Vermont.

I leave you with these words from King Solomon:

Dreaming instead of doing is foolishness, and there is ruin in a flood of empty words. Ecclesiastes 5:7

I pray God's blessing on the work of your hands and your hearts,

Vonda

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Happy All the Day?

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By Vonda Skelton | March 4, 2008

March 4, 2008

Do you remember the old song that includes a line about Christians being happy all the day? The idea is that once we’ve accepted the Lord as our Savior, our lives will always be happy. Although I understand the writer’s intent, those words may be sending the wrong message. In our zeal to lead others to Christ, we sometimes inadvertently spread a lie–a lie that says the Christian life is always wonderful.

It’s not. Just ask Paul.

In Acts 13-14, we read about Paul’s first missionary journey. And even though Paul and Barnabas were specifically called by the Holy Spirit to spread the good news, even though the believers fasted and laid hands on them before they left, even though they read the scriptures and prayed, even though they were right smack in the middle of God’s will, this journey presented them with one problem after another.

First they left their home base of Antioch in Syria and sailed to Cyprus, where were confronted and ridiculed by a sorcerer, but they didn’t stop, they continued their mission. Then they were rejected in the synagogue in Pisidian Antioch by the Jewish leaders after preaching the truth of forgiveness through Jesus Christ. They were expelled from the region, but that didn’t slow them down. (That’s when Paul realized his calling was to the Gentiles.)

In Iconium the leaders planned to stone Paul and Barnabas, and they had to escape for their lives. In Lystra they healed a crippled man and the crowd was so amazed they pronounced them as gods and wanted to bow down and sacrifice to them. Even after Paul and Barnabas rebuked the honor, pointing out that they were merely men and that the glory for the healing could only go to the living God, the crowd still wanted to worship them. But in the middle of all that praise, Jews from Antioch and Iconium stepped in and stirred up the crowd against them. The very same people who earlier wanted to worship them now wanted them dead! The people stoned Paul, dragged him outside the city gate, and left him for dead. Acts 14:20 says that “…after the disciples gathered around him, he got up and went back into the city.”

The next day Paul and Barnabas continued on to Derbe, where they preached the Good News. Then they went back through Lystra, Iconium, and Pisidian Antioch and returned to their home base.

Doesn’t sound like a fun trip, does it? Paul and Barnabas were not only committed men who loved the Lord, but they were specifically called by the Holy Spirit to make this particular journey (see Acts 13:2). And yet they were met with rejection, rebuking, expelling, and stoning.

And yet the Bible tells us that everywhere Paul and Barnabas went, hearts were won to the Lord, and people were saved.

What are you going through today? Are you surrounded by liars, accusers, and abusers? Have you been stoned by words and left for dead? Is your health failing, your children rebelling, and your marriage falling apart? You’re not alone. Paul and Barnabas and millions of Christians throughout the ages have suffered, and we’ll continue to suffer, maybe even when we’re right smack in the middle of God’s will. After all, Jesus never said the Christian life would be wonderful. As a matter of fact, He said the exact opposite. He said we would have trouble in this world (see John 16:33). He said the world hated Him, and it would hate us (see John 15:18-9). He said to count the cost, because the cost would be high (see Luke 14:28-30).

But He also said for us to stay the course and be a light in the darkness of this world, and we’ll be able to point others to Him.

Don’t give up. Don’t give up on the call. Don’t think because things aren’t going well that you must be misreading God’s will for your life. Instead of giving up, spend time with Him, study His scripture, and listen for His voice. Confess any sin that may be in your life and ask His forgiveness.

And then ask Him to strengthen you for His calling, whatever it is. Sometimes it may not be easy. Sometimes it may not be fun. But we can take comfort in the fact that it’s always perfect.

I pray God’s strength and comfort as you continue in His plan.

sttlcover100pxNow, time to change gears here. I’m thrilled to announce a brand new contest–and the prize is a big one! For the entire month of March, I will be traveling throughout blogdom, promoting my new book, Seeing Through the Lies: Unmasking the Myths Women Believe. (For a complete schedule of where I’ll be, just check the right side of this page.)

Visit each blog, post a comment and you’ll be in the drawing–every time you post! And believe me, this is one contest you don’t want to miss! The prize package is packed with some good stuff!

  • Designer Gift Box (looks like a piece of luggage with the words “Faith, Family, Friends” on the exterior)
  • One copy each of my three books: Seeing Through the Lies: Unmasking the Myths Women Believe, Bitsy and the Mystery at Amelia Island, Bitsy and the Mystery at Tybee Island
  • A custom-made stretchy bracelet with Sterling Silver Beads, Gold Swarovski Pearls, Turquoise and Blue Zircon Swarovski Crystals and Sterling Silver Masquerade Mask Charm
  • A custom-made bookmark with Sterling Silver Beads, Gold Swarovski Pearls, Turquoise, Blue Zircon and Clear Swarovski Crystals and Sterling Silver Masquerade Mask Charm on a 4.75 inch Silver Plated Bookmark
  • Gold tri-fold picture frame
  • Pewter-colored oval picture frame
  • Jeweled decorated cross
  • Peanut caramel clusters
  • Caramel truffles
  • Mini-Yankee Candle
  • Three-pack sample tea bags
  • Sample Columbian Supremo Coffee
  • Oh My! Itty Bitty Chai Packet

The winner will be announced here on April 2, so start now and increase your chances everyday!

I have one more give away reminder: We’re still trying to get a copy of Seeing Through the Lies placed in every state in America. If you live in one of the states listed below, or know of someone who does, AND you (or the receiver) are willing to be an influencer for my book, just email me with the name and mailing address and I’ll send you a free book! Just remember, this is a partnership. If you’re not sure what an influencer is, just check out this blog entry . Here are the states we’re looking for: Connecticut, DC, Hawaii, Maine, Massachusetts, Montana, Nebraska, Nevada, New Hampshire, New Jersey, North Dakota, Rhode Island, and Vermont.

Next week is kudos week–your time to let us share the joy of what God is doing in your writing life. If you’ve had a recent acceptance, publication, or award, just email me by March 8 and let me know your name, state, and announcement. We want to celebrate with you and give God glory for what He’s doing, so please let me hear from YOU!

In closing, I hope you will be encouraged by these words:

I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. Romans 8:18

I pray God’s blessing on the work of your hands and your heart.

Vonda

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