(Friends, I’m honored to have permission to share this poignant, beautiful post from Cheryl Morgan, a pastor’s wife, mother of six, grandmother of one, and–for eight years–a caregiver for her sweet mama. As a caregiver for several loved ones with Alzheimer’s through the years, I couldn’t hold back the tears as I read her precious writings. Like Cheryl, I’m concerned for my own brain and memory quite often. She wrote this piece for her children and I’m sharing it with mine . . . and with you, sweet friends. Thank you, Cheryl.)
What I’ll Say To My Children If I’m Diagnosed with Alzheimer’s
By Cheryl Morgan
I was skimming some other dementia blogs lately and a reader had written in saying, that though she felt guilty about it, she wished her mother would die in her sleep and not have to continue living through the pain and indignity of dementia. Iâ€™ve heard others say things like, â€śIâ€™ve told my kids if I ever get Alzheimerâ€™s just shoot me.â€ť
I understand where these comments are coming from, but they make my heart heavy. I feel like these attitudes devalue my Momâ€™s life right now. Even though they are not specifically referencing her, they are in effect saying that people like her are better off dead. It is hard to see Mom changing and confused and upset. But she still has sweet times of love and joy, too. And God still has a purpose for her life.
He is growing our patience as we care for her. He is developing our tenderness and mercy. God is giving us opportunities to show love to a dear mom who loved us all so well when she was able and strong. Heâ€™s sending us smiles and laughter with Momâ€™s quirky ways and funny words. Heâ€™s challenging us to love faithfully when she is angry and difficult.
People with dementia are still people. And God still has a plan for their lives. Even when they are bedridden and can do nothing at all, maybe their very life keeps us clinging to God more. Maybe their very existence draws us closer to God as we seek Him and cry out to Him.
I fear having AD someday myself. (My mind already concerns me too often.) But if that day comes Iâ€™m not going to tell my kids, even jokingly, to just shoot me.
What I would say to them is this . . .
Pray and trust God to guide you. Get as much help as you can. I donâ€™t want you to sacrifice your life plans or family for my sake, but I want to always be part of your life.
If you need to find a nursing home for me, I understand. Pray about it and seek wisely. And then visit me often. Even if I donâ€™t seem to know you, believe in your heart that part of me does. Hold my hand and talk to me. Tell me all about your life. Sing to me and read the Bible to me, please. Brush my hair and tell me memories of your childhood.
If Iâ€™m still able to chew be sure to bring chocolate. (You know your mom.) And hopefully Iâ€™ll have some adorable grandchildren to marvel at.
And donâ€™t forget to take some time to just sit quietly next to me. Hold my wrinkled hand and let God whisper to your soul. Iâ€™m so sorry you have to go through this painful journey with me, but God will give you strength and grow you through it all. Hold fast unto Him. Sink deep into His love.
Everything will be better in heaven. Meanwhile, when I canâ€™t talk anymore; just know that I love you forever and that being a mom to you was an honor and the delight of my life.
Thatâ€™s what Iâ€™d say to my children. Oh, and I might throw in a â€śBe nice to your brotherâ€ť for old-timeâ€™s sake.
Heaven must receive him until the time comes for God to restore everything, as he promised long ago through his holy prophets. Acts 3:21 NIV
Cheryl Morgan is a Jesus follower, pastor’s wife, mother of six, and a new grandma! She’s also a caregiver to her mom, who has been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s for eight years. She writes about this journey at God’s Grace and Mom’s Alzheimer’s because she feels compelled to, and is blessed when she hears from readers that it ministers to them.